How to Annoy Jacob Black
by AwesomeVampire
Summary: Edward and Rae have a bet. But what happens when the loser has to stay with Jacob Black for one week? find out!
1. Why me?

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT! Rae is a fan fiction character I created!**

Hey! Well, Lauren, Cassie, and I were bored and started playing that one game were you are put in strange situations and you must describe what you would do. And one of my other friends, Alex comes up and asks us what we would do if we were stuck with Jacob for a week. That's when it all started. We all made this together. And yes, we do have no life, except on Tuesdays, that's our suicidal day! We jump of a bridge and see who survives! Just kidding, but that is a fun thought. Sorry getting of topic.

Rae loses a bet. So she has to stay with a werewolf for a week. Which one? Jacob Black! How will this event end? Will there be gore? Maybe. Will Jacob die? I wish. But will it be funny? Heck yeah! Is there going to be romance? Maybe. It starts out kind of slow just to warn you.

How to annoy Jacob Black

Chapter 1: The Bet

BPOV

I can't believe this! Edward and Rae are fighting, AGAIN! This time it's over something about not kissing me in front of her. Sure, she was 14, but she is really over 100 years old for Pete's sake! And aren't kids exposed to this stuff by 10? It sure as hell seemed like it. God!

"Edward I should not be exposed to this kind of stuff yet!" Rae said, crossing her arms.

"You should not be looking" Edward said, irritated.

"You make it sound like you were doing more than just kissing her." Rae spat back.

"Maybe I was."

"That. Is. Sick!" Rae said slowly. "You know what?"

Edward looked livid. "No!" He read her mind. Crap. That can't be a good sign.

"I think it would be fun!" Rae said innocently, but her facial expression was demonic.

EPOV

"You know what?" Rae said glaring at me.

I didn't want Bella to hear what she thought so I decided to listen in her head.

What I heard drove me up the wall.

Oh no she didn't! She did not just say- pardon- think that!

"No!" I could hear the hiss in my voice. I would have to apologize to Bella for that later.

"I think it would be fun!" Rae smiled. That bitch! She has the nerve!

"Um, Edward?" My angel asked suddenly. I almost forgot she was there.

"Bella," Rae turned to her, attempting to be innocent no less. "Do you think that Edward can last-"

"No!" I could not allow this, as juvenile as it may seem, I didn't want Bella- or myself- to be tortured like that. I don't think I would be able to last 1 hour without my lips reaching hers.

"What?" Bella asked, mystified by Rae's innocent look. Rae was going to get hurt so F-ing badly, even my father wouldn't be able to fix her. But she would heal… Unless…

Wait, I was willing to kill Rae? Well, the migraine I get from her constant babbling in my head would disappear.

"EDWARD!" Rae turned toward me, growling. "You want to kill me?" Her face turned sad. She wasn't fooling anyone. That was about as fake as Mike Newton's pick-up lines. Oh no. She wasn't going to-

"Edward!" Bella almost yelled at me. Ouch, that stung badly. "Why would you do that? Now you are going to take that bet!"

"Rae, you are the worst." I snarled. She found the weak spot. Crap.

BPOV

Why would Edward think that? That was just plain cruel. If he wasn't so God damn beautiful I would be totally pissed.

"Well, as of Sunday, at-" Rae didn't even need to glance at the clock, "8:32 pm. Edward has accepted the bet."

"Wait, wait." Edward said calmly.

I stared at him.

"What happens to you when you lose, or when I lose?" Edward asked.

"Well, THAT is simple" Rae said, the evil grin reentering her face. "I would need to stay at Jacob Blacks house for 1 week. And as for you, you would have to watch Bella play Paintball."

Oh crap.

Edward picked me up and ran out of the house at vampire speed, to my house. When we got there, he ran into my bedroom through the window, and set me down on my bed.

"So," I started, contemplating if I wanted to know what the bet was. Judging by how he acted back there, I wasn't sure. But, he was already curious, so why not ask? "What is the bet?"

He hesitated. "Whether or not I am able to go one week without kissing you." His voice was deep.

My heart skipped a beat.

Sounds like fun? Please review, but if you don't want to that's fine. I just want to know if people actually want to read it.


	2. No way in heck!

**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

BPOV

I. Do. Not. Believe. It.

How could Rae? Damn her to the center circle of Hell!

"How long does this last?" I tried to keep my voice even. If Edward didn't kill her for this, I sure as hell will.

"One week." He looked away from me. Ouch, that hurt.

"Hey!" a voice yelled from the window.

Crap, Rae let it slip about the bet.

"Hey, Emmett." Edward and I mumbled together.

"Just making sure you aren't going to give up within the first 2 minutes." Emmett grinned at us. Then he disappeared.

"Bella, I'm sorry" What. The. Hell. What on Earth was he apologizing for? What did he do? I was the asshole who made him accept that bitches bet. Wow, I swore, that doesn't happen to often.

"Edward, unless you purposefully gave Rae that idea, you shouldn't be apologizing." I said. Edward looked sad enough as it was. This week was goingto be longer than shopping with Alice. And THAT is sayingsomething.

"Well, I better let you sleep." Edward got up and left through the window.

Man! If it wasn't so God damn dark I would have been able to see him!

The next morning, when I finally woke up, I found a note:

Bella,

I realize that I should have told you in person, but I need to go hunting.

I'll see you on Sunday, all right?

Edward.

God, its Monday! I have to go a F-ing 6 days without him? God this sucks ass. Even when there is no school it won't make me feel better.Well, I might as well go see my soon to be family.

At the Cullen's place

Carlisle and Esme were standing at the front door waiting for me. They brought me into their diningroom. Emmett was sittingnext to Rosalie, Alice was next to Jasper. And Rae was on the opposite side of Emmett. They were all arguing.

"But that would be breaking the treaty!" Alice kept on yelling toward Emmett and Rae.

"No, because I'm not part of your coven!" Rae yelled back.

"We have a guest." Carlisle interrupting them.

They all looked up, apparently they hadn't even noticed I was there. All of them straightened up and smiled at me. I felt like I shouldn't have come. But of course, Jasper sensed that.

"You really aren't interrupting," Jasper explained, "We actually need to talk to you too."

"I can come back later." I really didn't want to keep them from figuring what ever they were talking- scratch that, yelling about.

"We will be done in a few seconds, hey Alice, how about you go shopping with Bella? You do that with her right?" Rae said.

Can she make me suffer any more? Oh shit, I just jinxed myself again.

"Do you mind if I just listen instead?" That was not the right thingto say, but, I would do anythingto get out of shopping.

"Why not?" Esme gestured towards the chair next to Rae.

"But as I was saying, we promised that we wouldn't cross into their territory!" Alice said growling.

"But as _I_was saying, the treaty said that the Cullens are not allowed to cross. And I do not recall joining this coven!" Rae snapped back.

She wasn't a Cullen? hmm I thought she was.

"Um, Rae?" I asked.

"Huh?" Rae unwillingly turned her attention towards me. Along with the rest of the family.

"You aren't part of the... _coven_?" Man I sounded like a complete and total retard.

"Nope," Rae had that matter-of-fact tone in her voice.

"Explain."

"Well, I'm a nomad. I really don''t have a coven, I just pop up here every now and then. When I'm not here I'm either in Alaska or Minnesota." Rae paused allowing me to ask a question"

Ah, Hell with it, "Why both? Why not just Minnesota? Or just Alaska?"

"I love Minnesota, but their summers are unbearable, and Alaska is slowly going to be put underwater due to pollution."

"So, why aren't you with the Cullens?"

"This family is big enough as it is, with me _and _you the Volturi would be swarming around Forks, or any other city we went to."

Wow, I sounded like an idiot there. "So who changed you?" Another idiot question, I'm on a roll.

"No clue," Rae mumbled.

Crap I brought back bad memories for her. "Sorry" I said, hopefully that would end the conversation.

Luck was on my side.

"So you wanted to ask us a question?" Alice asked quickly.

"Um, yeah, but it seems pretty stupid now." I muttered.

"I'll be Edward for a second." Emmett said suddenly. He cleared his throat.

"Bella, honey," Man Emmett has a good impersonation of Edward. "Do you have any idea how annoying it is when you keep your thoughts to yourself?"

Oh he was good. I even found myself blushing. OH HELL!! Why am I blushing?

Before I could stop myself, I answered, "Where is Edward?"

Everyone stared. "Edward left?" They spoke all at once.

"Yeah," Well, that obviously ment they didn't know.

"Oh, that definately should count as cheating!" Rae said angrily to herself.

"Well, if you don't know I should go then." I quickly left the house.

As I left, they started a new subject, if I heard it correctly they were wondering what Edward and I were going to do once I was a vampire. Wow, they really do have weird conversations.

"Maybe they'll go hunting." I heard Jasper say.

"You only say that because your thirsty," Rae objected.

"I know." I heard Emmett say smoothly.

Everything after that happened really fast. I heard Rae scream at the top of her lungs "PERVERT!" and then a loud crash.

Time to go home.

**_Nothing really happens the rest of the week. so, TIMESKIP!! 6 days later!_**

EPOV

Finally! Just 4 more minutes of agonizing hell until I can finally kiss my angel! And not only that, but I can also beat the undead daylight out of Rae. And then watch her be stuck with that mutt for one full week. Man, could this week end more perfectly? YES! But, that fantasy will not happen until after I marry Bella. But it never hurts to dream does it?

"Good lands Edward! Control your undead hormones!" Rae's scream reminded me that she was still in the room with Bella and I.

"Why are you listening?" I have to admit, that was a snobbish remark.

"What were you thinking?" Bella asked, glancing up at me.

"Later, love." I whispered in her ear.

Rae made a gagging sound.

_Once again, no one told you to listen, and it's your own damn fault. _I thought, knowing she was listening.

_If I don't listen to what others are thinking, I will be in serious pain in the morning. _She thought in my head.

_What? Emmett was bored! And that was in Alaska! Why in hell would he do that here? _I thought

No answer. I win.

Finally Rae sighed and said in defeat, "All right, you win."

FREEDOM!!

"But keep those thoughts out of your head, I'm going to go gag somewhere." Rae was pissed. This was fun.

I could not restrain myself enough to wait until Rae reached the door. My lips met my angel's. She began panting. If this were any other day I would have pushed away faster than Emmett is strong, but I decided against it. I hadn't been able to do this for an f-ing week! I have been deprived of my love for way too long.

After what felt like a century, Bella broke away gasping.

"Charlie is going to be wondering where I am." Bella whispered, her gasps covered her sadness pretty dang well. Crap, I almost forgot about him. I picked her up and bolted out the door.

RPOV

Wow, I have to admit I really didn't think they would be able to go through with it. But heck! This is really cruddy! Note to self: NEVER, and I mean never have a bet when a… a… hm… maybe mutt would be the appropriate word, since Jacob isn't a female. Or is he? Well, now that gender is out of the way, I guess bitch is what he is.

But. Wow, a good idea just came. What if…. Oh good flipping monkeys this is going to be sweet. I need to talk to Emmett; he is an expert on this kind of stuff. This is going to be one heck of a week!

_**Sorry, we had serious writers block with this chapter.**_


	3. Kill me now

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

**Hey everybody! Sorry that the last chapter was suckish But here you go! Next chapter has come!**

How to Annoy Jacob

**Chapter 3**

Time to Annoy the Bitch

RPOV

Yes! The best possible idea in the world! This week is going to be so much fun! But, I will need some serious help with this…. And Emmett and Jasper are out hunting, talk about bad timing. Stupid Jasper and his stupid eating problems. Grr, now what am I going to do?

Wait, my mind has decided that today it is going to be smart! Huzzah! Alright, now I need to talk to Bella and Edward. But, they are probably so pissed off you can feel the heat waves 3 miles away. However, am I really in the mood to let this beautiful opportunity go to waste? Heck no! I rushed over to Bella's house.

EPOV

God must love me right now! Finally, Bella and I can be together and-

"EEEEEEEDDDDWWWWAAAARRRRRDDDD!" A singsong voice yelled happily outside.

Aw shit. I spoke too soon.

"Umm, Edward?" I looked down at my angel who was sitting on the couch.

"Yes?"

"Can you attempt not to destroy the furniture?" Bella pointed at the now shredded cushion.

"Oops, sorry." I removed my hand from the destroyed cushion.

"EDWARD!" The voice from outside had become angry.

"Come on in!" Bella yelled.

Rae almost ripped the door off its hinges, and sat down on the chair opposite us.

She didn't say anything; she just sat there staring at us. That was driving me crazy.

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"Well what?" Rae smiled evilly. I brought Bella closer to he snarling. Was she here to try to make me, or Bella, suffer more than we already had? That bitch!

"Don't be silly Edward!" Rae giggled; she was reading my mind again. It is beginning to get on my last damn nerve. "I simply thought that you might be willing to listen to an idea of mine."

"About?" I was interested, I must admit.

"Well.." Rae put her finger on her chin in a type of thinking position. "I was thinking something along the lines of-" She paused, staring at Bella.

Of course, she didn't want to say anything in front of Bella.

_Well, since I'm going to stay with a . . . a bitch, why not have some fun with it?_

_Why are you calling the mutt a bitch? _I thought, knowing she could hear me.

_Isn't a bitch a female dog?_

_Oh… I see your point._

"Bella?" I said in my angel's ear. She looked up at me, scared.

"Yes?"

"Can you call Jacob?" I asked. Bella's expression changed into confusion.

"Why?"

"You'll be mad."

"I still want to know."

"So true" Rae said.

"Well," I began, inhaling unnecessarily. Keeping a straight face with Rae's plan in my head is hard work. But with Bella's expression, it was almost impossible. _Almost._ "Rae was thinking about how we are going to get her over at his house. And we thought that you could help us by saying that Rae is a relative."

Bella's jaw dropped, it was hilarious.

BPOV

I think I felt my jaw drop. But come on! Rae, was going to try to pass as my relative? She might be physically similar in some ways, but personality wise, HELL NO! Wait, what did personality have to do with family members?

I sighed, why not let a '14'-year-old girl who is a vampire stay with my best friend, who happens to be a werewolf.

Wow that sounds wrong. "Fine."

Rae ran up and hugged me. "Thank you, you're a peach!"

I stared at Edward. "You're a peach? Since when have I been a fruit?"

Edward shrugged, "She tends to like calling people fruit."

"Speaking of fruit," Rae let go of me and stared at Edward, "Is a tomato a fruit or vegetable?"

"I haven't eaten in 80 years! How in hell would I know?" Edward snapped, handing me his phone.

Rae stuck out her tongue and skipped into the kitchen.

I sighed. Can they ever go one topic without arguing? I dialed Jacob's number into the phone.

It rang 3 times, and then a really dull voice answered. "Yeah?"

"Jake!"

"Bells!"

I heard Rae attempt to gag by the kitchen.

"So what are you calling for, Bells?" Jake asked.

Rae once again gagged in the other room.

"Hey, can you do me a huge favor?" I asked, Edward groaned, and Rae's voice came from the other room yelling, "PERVERT!"

"Sure Bells, what's the favor?" He sounded enthused by this.

Once again, Edward groaned and Rae yelled at the top of her lungs –which let me tell you, she is **loud! –** "PERVERT!" And ran into the room.

"Who is that?" Jake asked from the other end of the telephone.

I had to lie as best I could, "That's Lauren."

Rae motioned her hand demonstrating that what I just said was smooth.

"I thought you hated Lauren," Crap! He was getting suspicious!

Rae groaned and put her hand out for the phone. I mouthed a 'No' to her but she snapped the phone away from me.

"Excuse me?" Rae said in a very good impression of Lauren. Of course, except for the 'Excuse me' part. "This is Lauren, who is this?"

Pause.

"Oh my goodness! This is the famous Jacob Black that Bella talks about!" Edward was pissed, but Rae just stuck out her tongue.

She was pushing it; she was just trying to annoy Edward. Rae handed the phone back to me, smiling.

Before I spoke to Jake, I mouthed 'you suck' to her. But her only reply was mouthing 'love you too' back to me.

"Alright, so you were saying?" Jacob asked, curiosity giving away what he thought was my request, the damn pervert.

"Well, I have a… a… uh…" CRAP!! What was Rae's family relationship to me?

Rae mouthed 'cousin,' then mumbled something about having a smart butt.

"Cousin who is coming over to Forks, but I don't have any room for her, and I thought maybe she could stay with you for a week, would that be ok?" Was that believable enough?

"Sure! That sounds fine! How long will she stay?" Jake sounded enthused. Rae mouthed the word 'Perverted' to Edward.

"One week," I said. What was he thinking that made it so perverted to Rae?

"How old is she?" Oh, I see what he was getting at.

"She's 14, Jake." _I_ was now pissed beyond belief.

"Oh, alright then, when is she going to be here?" Jake sounded depressed.

"Tomorrow,"

"Where should I meet you?" He sounded excited again.

"At the border?"

Jake seemed puzzled by this. "Is she a . . . blood- . . . a vampire?"

"No!" I yelled. If Jake wasn't so retarded he would have caught my bluff so fast; Edward wouldn't be able to catch it.

"Why at the border?" He paused, "_He _is going to be coming with you, isn't he?"

"Yeah," I sighed. Oh sure, he knows when Edwards going to be with me but he can't tell when I'm bluffing? And Rae calls me slow!

"Alright, see you tomorrow?" Jake sounded as If he had just gotten a date with a supermodel. Weirdo.

"Yeah, bye Jake." I hung up the phone.

RPOV

Bella hung up the phone. Was this bitch seriously stupid enough to buy her lie?

"Well, now that that's out of the way," I said happily grabbing Bella and Edwards hand, "We need to go shopping!"

"Why?" They asked together. Wow that was funny.

"I need to find some serious perfume, so I can hide my vampirish smell. And I need to go to the pet store! Lettuce be off!"

_**What is going to happen? Why are they going to the pet store? And WHY THE HECK DID SHE SAY **__**LETTUCE**__**? **_You'll have to wait until we brainstorm a little bit more for the next chapter, but it will be out soon!


	4. Shopping of doomzaur!

Alright peeps

**Hey everyone! This is Rachel! I'm sorry that we haven't been working on this story for a while, but Lauren and Cassie have already said that there has been a recent death in my family. So, yeah. But I am better and I have a bunch of ideas! Once again, this story is by Rachel, Cassie, and Lauren.**

**DISCLAIMER! WE DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

BPOV

Why are we shopping? I thought this was Alice's thing, not Rae's. And do you want to know the worst part? Rae wouldn't let Edward come with us! She is going to get beaten, now if only I was a vampire…

"Um, Rae?" I asked.

Rae looked up from the perfume she was holding. I couldn't see what the name was.

"What?"

"Why are we looking at perfume? I thought you hated the stuff." Which was so true, every time Alice had tried to put it on her Alice somehow wound up outside, five miles away… Not that I have anything against that, but there comes a point in time where anger becomes insanity.

"Well, for one-" Rae put the bottle on the nearest table, glaring at me. "The bit- I mean- Jacob, can smell vampires out. Now if I have to act as human as possible" She sounded as if she was talking to a retard. "I have to attempt to get rid of the smell. And I also have to try to stop _his _smell, so I will be keeping my nose full of smells so I can't smell that crud."

Wow, that sounded so simple. "But why can't Edward come with us?"

"Well, I can't be smelling like Edward now can't I?" Rae moved her index finger back and forth, as if she was a teacher lecturing a bad student. "And I really like causing him to throw a fit." She added quickly, probably hoping I wouldn't catch it.

"WHAT?" I yelled. Everyone in the store stared at me. Crap! I did it again.

"Aw, but cousin Bella!" Rae sounded so childish. She was acting. This can't end well. "Why can't I go out tomorrow?"

Shit! What the hell am I supposed to say? "Because we are going to see your uncle- um- Edward?!" That went smoothly.

"Fine!" Rae yelled. She inconspicuously pushed two bottles of perfume towards me and left.

I sighed; this thing was going to be the death of me. I went up to the cashier. It was a boy, his nametag read: "Michael"

_Michael_ looked at me and smiled "How are you? That stuff is simply FABULOUS!"

This dude was gay… I don't have anything against gays; don't get me wrong, it's just that they creep me out.

I smiled and paid for the items. And left in search of Rae. She was going to pay for leaving me in there!

"COUSIN BELLA!" Rae yelled. I turned in the direction of her voice. Rae was standing waving her arm like an idiot. She was right underneath a sign that said- Oh God! She was right underneath a PetCo sign. Why was she there? Didn't I tell her I hated those damned birds?

"Come on Bella! I found what I wanted!" Rae yelled and ran into the store. What did she want? But, I decided to be the older person- no pun intended- and go in.

Rae was in the back of the store, staring at the cats and dogs. Oh shit. Now I understood why she wanted to be here. Cats. This _cannot_ end well, either she would be found out and Jake would hate me for doing it. Or Jake wouldn't find out but be seriously pissed off and I would get in serious trouble. Hmm…. The outlook wasn't too bright.

"I found the two that I wanted!" Rae pointed toward a cat that was completely white. That one scared me. The other one was bronze. It was so cute! It had dark yellow eyes… Oh, I see what she was getting at.

"So why do we need two?" I asked, keeping my eyes off hers. "I mean, this can't be the only thing your planning on doing right?"

"Hey, a girls got to eat right?" She said happily, "This is _my _type of 'eating out' you know."

What. The. Fuck. They eat out? That didn't sound quite right. But it made perfect sense. Either that or I'm finally losing my mind.

"Bitch alert." Rae snarled. What did that mean? Who was this 'bitch?'

Then Rae's expression changed into a childish smile, if I didn't know who she was I wouldn't have been scared of it. But this face just freaked me out.

"Hello there!" She said to a person who was standing right behind me.

I turned, and then I found out whom this 'bitch' was.

"Hey, Bella!" Jake hugged me. I couldn't breathe. That wasn't something unusual.

"Can't . . . Breath . . . . . JAKE!" I gasped.

Rae laughed as Jake let go of me. Then I realized she had stopped breathing.

"Oh, so this is your cousin?" Jake smiled at her. Rae's smile twitched a little bit.

"Hi, I'm Rae, I need to go bring Eddie home, so I'll be right back!" Rae said and ran out of the store with the two cats.

Now I understood why she needed the two cats. She wasn't that thirsty.

"So that's your cousin?" Jake asked staring after her.

"Yeah, on my moms side of the family. She is a little strange at first." Alright only the first part was a lie.

"She doesn't look 14."

Well no shit Sherlock! She is somewhere over 100 years old! Why do you think that? Not to mention she was 16 when she became a vampire! God this kid is some piece of work.

"Why did she name a cat Eddie?" Jake asked.

I glanced at his expression, I've never seen such a strange mixture of anger, confusion, and... Jealousy? Is he jealous because he isn't named after a pet? What a freak.

"No clue." I answered truthfully.

"I'm back!" Rae yelled from behind me; right into my ear. It hurt, a lot!

"Hey, there." Jake said.

I swear I could feel Rae smile from behind me.

"So, do you want to go shopping with us? I was looking for some dog food." She said.

Jacob stiffened. And Rae stiffened a laugh.

"Um, Jacob?" Rae sounded uneasy, but she was really happy that he was uncomfortable.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry I have to go… um … to see my dad, Bye Bella! Bye Rae!" Jake turned around and almost flew out the door.

"Wow, this week is going to be really fun." Rae's evil smile returned.

"Where are we going now?" I asked eagerly.

"Well, I found the perfume, the cats, the rubber chicken, the fleas-"

"FLEAS?" I half yelled. She wasn't planning on just making fun of Jake; she wanted to torture him.

"All we have left is the gothic clothing!" Rae finished, ignoring my interruption. She grabbed my hand and we ran to Hot Topic.

**WOOT! Thank you one and all for being so patient, we will attempt to post the next chapter by the end of the week! **


	5. Kitchen Appliances Part 1

Alright

Alright! Despite the fact that we all had serious writers block, and the fact that Rachel has been being annoying all week long, something about finals and she really doesn't feel good; we have finished this chapter! Enjoy!

How to Annoy Jacob Black

Day 1: Kitchen Appliances Want to Take Over the World! Part 1

RPOV

It's sunny out today! Great! This is just what I needed. Edward is never going to let me forget this, not that I could ever forget it even if I tried, but it hurts all the same.

This day is going to go incredibly bad. I'm going to stay over at a bitch's house for a freaking week, and I'm going to be sparkling like a walking disco ball. Sounds like fun.

"Rae, come on!" Bella yelled downstairs. Humans are so impatient.

Never the less, I grabbed my suitcase full of my clothing and of course, my weapons of mass destruction.

"Rae, stop imagining your Dr. Doom!" Edward said loud enough so I'm sure Emmett and Rosalie who were doing… _things_ . . . could hear.

I walked down the stairs at an unusually slow pace.

"Rae, you're wearing a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, any reason why?" Bella asked, staring at me with really big eyes.

I snorted, it sounded really weird, "It's really sunny outside, and I'm going to be meeting an insane perverted werewolf, is that a good enough reason?" Sheesh, humans really don't think all that often, do they?

Edward growled and pulled Bella closer to him.

_Watch it, _I heard Edward think.

The ride up was a pain in the butt. I've never been a summer kind of person. This weather was WAY too warm for me. It was like, 50!

I was so caught up in my pissed off attitude, I didn't even notice the strong stench of werewolf outside. It smelled, well, sick. I groaned and got out of the Volvo Edward had driven and grabbed my suitcase. I searched inside of it for about six minutes before I found some perfume. I had put some on this morning, but I _really _needed the stench out of my nose.

After that adventure, I found the copper, maybe bronze-ish colored cat in the trunk of the car. The other one was, well, you get the idea. I had named the cat Edward, Eddie for short, just to kind of rub it in Jacobs face. I grabbed Eddie and my suitcase and sat on the grass.

About an hour later, a seriously nauseous smell came, making the hair at the back of my neck tingle. Eddie snarled towards a nearby tree. Which, judging by the smell, was hiding Jacob behind it.

When the bitch did show up Bella ran up and hugged him. I heard Edward growl. I watched as Jacob, still hugging Bella, stuck his tongue out towards Edward. Oh that's it! Nobody does that to Edward except for me! This dudes going down! Yeah that's right bitch, you're an infected hair on the butt of an elephant!

When Bella and Jacob were done with embracing each other, Bella ran back sheep-like to Edwards' side.

I walked up to the stupid mutt and spoke as well as I could without breathing, "Hello, I'm Rae Swanson!" I held Eddie up to Jacobs face, "And this is Eddie, say hi Eddie!"

Jacob seemed to stiffen, I laughed internally. Eddie the cat however, was quite happy with this; the brave feline jumped out of my hands and slashed Jacob in the face, leaving one heck of a mark on his right cheek.

Bella gasped. Edward and I exchanged smirks.

"AAK!" Jacob squealed.

I could not possibly contain my laughter if Edward hadn't been stepping on my foot. I tried to keep my face composed and grabbed Eddie from ripping out Jacobs's hair -don't get the wrong idea. I had no objections to that idea-

"CONTROL YOUR CAT!" Jacob half screamed.

I then noticed he was shaking. Come on! I had only just started and he's already mad? This is just WAY too easy.

But, the bitch recovered his little sanity he had and stopped quivering like a wet puppy.

"Well, are we ready to go?" He asked grabbing my suitcase full of… well… EVIL THINGS.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Rae." Bella said quietly and waved.

"Yeah, nice meeting you Edward." I had to struggle not to laugh at that statement. Edward did a funny impression of Emmett's face whenever he does a prank, and followed Bella to the car.

"So," Jacob began, placing a hand on my shoulder, clearly oblivious to the fact that I was uncomfortable. "You hungry?"

"Very."

Now if only he knew what I was hungry for.

At Jacobs House a few minutes later

"Hey, I'll go put this stuff in your room, and I'll meet you in the kitchen, alright?" Jacob said as he walked up the stairs.

I watched as he slowly walked out of sight, then I ran to the kitchen. I searched until I found what I was looking for: an egg.

Suddenly, my cell phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID; it was Edward. I hesitated for a moment, then flipped the phone and said into the receiver "Hi stranger!"

He chuckled on the other end of the line, "Wow Rae, I will never get used to that."

"What do you want? I'm kind of busy right now." I snapped.

"Well, this is just a reminder," He paused for a few seconds.

"And?" I prompted.

"You can't kill him."

Oh, I forgot about that. "FINE! Is there anything else you want to deprive me of while you're at it?"

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger." Edward said coolly.

I didn't answer; I just hung up the phone and went towards the microwave.

I set the egg inside the microwave, shut the microwave door and turned it on. (A/N: Jacob.must.die.1918 Thank you for telling us this! You rock!)

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jacob screamed, staring at the soon to be nuclear bomb reincarnate.

"Hm?" I asked, trying as hard as possible to keep the demonic smile off my face.

"That thing is going to explode!" He yelled and quickly opened the door of the microwave.

But, that was his mistake.

The egg exploded… Sweetness. To. The. Max!

"AH SHIT!" Jacob had been attacked by evil shards of an eggshell. He began screaming like a little girl.

"Hold on, I'll help!" If only I was helping _him. _

I grabbed a towel and poured lemon juice on the towel. I waited for it to soak in. Then, I ran back over to the bitch and handed the towel over.

When the towel reached his eyes, he squealed.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Jacob threw the towel out the window, a closed window. It somehow managed to break the window.

"What are you talking about?" I tried to ignore the fact that he was shaking more violently than when I stuffed Jessica and Lauren in the freezer.

"You put something in the towel! I can feel how wet it is!"

"Why are you shaking?" I asked innocently, I hope.

He immediately stopped shaking.

So close, and yet so far.

"How about I make us some grilled cheese sandwiches?"

Great, I'm going to have to barf this crap back up in about 2-3 hours. He is going to think I'm bulimic.

"Sure! I'll go grab the bread."

So I went to the pantry and grabbed the bread… and grabbed something else from my purse.

"Here you go!" I said as happily. This time it wasn't a lie; I was truly happy about this.

He grabbed the bread from my hands and threw it onto the pan. Approximately five seconds later, fire flew- And I mean FLEW- out of the pan. The flames burned Jacobs eyebrows, a few were singed, while the others would probably stay on, but I think it worked out pretty well, I was hoping for some burning flesh… But, I count my blessings.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jacob yelled and whacked the pan to the side.

"Are you alright?" I asked trying to keep myself from laughing.

Jacob ran in circles rubbing his face. "HELL NO!" He screamed.

Stupid pup. He burned a few hairs and it's the end of the world. He is just making this way too easy.

Sorry it's taking so long! Rachel is having technical difficulties currently. We will try to upload the rest soon! Oh, and good luck Mary! Have fun in Washington!


	6. AN

**I'm going to make this quick:**

**I haven't had any time on my hands. Freshman year at my school is not easy. Stupid English teacher... ANYWAY!! I will try to update soon. Sorry!**


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